Day 360

I approach my pending release date with fevered anticipation.  I really can't believe it's been almost a year since my last full and proper orgasm. I'm fairly certain I've forgotten how good it feels!

Over the last weeks I've been teasing myself with porn and edging, keeping the frustration level up and my cock hard.  Apart from giving a guy a hand job in a pub last week, there's been no sexual activity with anyone else.  I have a possible cock to suck this week but he's been a bit slack in responding so I'm not sure that it will happen.  Obviously this is a shame because I love sucking cock but it's more so because he appears to have a very interesting looking cock.

Relations with my neighbour (she who thinks I have a small cock) are great.  I saw her in a white bathrobe the other morning and this made me tingle.  This is very odd because there's no way in the world I'd fancy her normally.

A went away with a mutual friend this weekend for some jolly rampant sex and, I must admit, this has also been on my mind.

All in all, I really want Friday to hurry up and get here but I'm also enjoying the feelings of utter frustration coursing through me at the moment.

Day 275

I was due a ruined orgasm two days ago but decided against it.  It's not that I didn't feel like it but I have (sort of) decided to not have any kind of orgasm for the rest of this period of chastity.  It's only another 90 days.  A piece of cake!

Day 260

I haven't blogged for ages (mainly because nothing has happened) but thought I should check in, as it were.  For a while I was feeling completely non-sexual.  In fact, the last time I milked, I wasn't in the mood and it took a bit of coaxing for anything to happen.  It made me decide in future not to do it if I don't feel like it.

The mojo returned during a brief trip to Paris. 

I have missed this fortnight's milking because of being away yesterday.  This means I will have to wait another two weeks for the next chance.  Hopefully, I'll feel like it!  Mind you, I have managed to go over 100 days without even milking so...

Today on the Tube, I was accidentally groped by a girl who thought she was fiddling with the zip on her backpack.  She was quite short and her hand went straight to my fly.  She groped around a bit, basically feeling me up, then found the zip.  She realised something was wrong and turned to look at me.  She blushed and apologised.  I told her it was fine.

I only have 165 days to go to a full orgasm!

Day 234

Further to my flashing on Monday...

Today I left the house and, as I approached the park at the end of the road, I noticed the neighbour who saw me without my towel, standing talking to a woman I didn't know.  They were both holding their dogs, chatting.  When my neighbour saw me she turned and said something to the woman, who looked at me.  I was too far away to hear anything but I saw them laugh.

When I reached them, I said hello, as usual and started to walk by them.  The neighbour said hello back and then said "Almost didn't recognise you without the towel."  I smiled weakly and once more apologised for what had happened.  She waved it away and said "There wasn't much to see anyway."  Her friend laughed as I walked passed them, feeling totally humiliated.

I should stress that it was all said matter of factly and not nastily however...I'm now wondering what I've started...

Day 233

Saw A tonight and I told her I was considering extending my chastity time to 365 days.  She told me I should do it.  So I am.  This means my next full and proper orgasm will (hopefully) occur on February 8, 2013.  A full year.

In an odd sort of way, I don't really miss it.  While I don't get any satisfaction when I ruin an orgasm, my body seems to be getting used to them.  As I explained to A tonight, when I first started to ruin, it was very difficult to stop.  Now, it just seems perfectly natural and I do it without thinking.

Anyway, I'm sticking to my rules of ruining every two weeks on a Monday.  If I miss one, it'll be another two weeks.  And so on.

Day 231

I don't exactly have a small penis but I love the idea of SPH and have been trying to get my neighbour to see mine flaccid for ages.  It's odd because I don't actually like her and I don't think she likes me that much.  That just adds to the humiliation.

She has seen me in cycle shorts before when I've tucked myself between my legs and I know she sneaked a peek but today I managed to show her the lot.

I'd taken a parcel in for her this morning so I knew either her or one of her kids would come knocking. I know what time she normally gets home so I decided to have a shower just before then. As if on cue, as I stepped from the shower, there was a knock at the door. I grabbed a towel and quickly put it round my waist.

When I answered the door she was all apologetic about getting me out of the shower but I just smiled and brushed it aside. Then she said she'd called for the parcel. I had put it on a table by the door so I reached out and picked it up to hand it to her. Unfortunately (yeah, right) the towel suddenly fell from my waist.

I couldn't drop the parcel so the towel stayed at my feet. I was apologising all over the place. She was laughing and looking at my tiny, flaccid cock, saying it was fine. Eventually she took the parcel and I managed to grab the towel, covering myself up.

She winked at me, thanked me and left, a big grin on her face.

I'm due a ruined orgasm later tonight and I know what I'll be thinking about to get me in the mood.

Day 218

Last night I had my first ruined orgasm for ages.  I sat at my computer and read and watched porn, rubbing myself at the same time.  I made it last quite a while before it started dribbling out of me.  There was a lot!  I didn't feel a whole lot better afterwards, just a bit sticky.  That's it for a fortnight.

Day 215

For the first time since getting sick, I'm starting to feel horny again.  After my last post, A suggested I try for 300 days.  This will mean I won't get a full and proper orgasm under 3 December.  I'm seriously thinking I could just keep going forever.  Or until the next time I see A.  Whichever is sooner.

I'm going to have a ruined orgasm tomorrow as, I think, I'm due one.

Day 203

I have been very sick and, subsequently, completely missed the magic 200 days!  Not that I felt like celebrating anything.  A is off to Amsterdam for a bit of dirty stuff tomorrow.  My flagging sexual urges are starting to pick up a bit as I imagine what she'll be getting up to...or who is getting up her...

Day 195

Today I have set myself a challenge.  I am going to try and milk every last drop out of myself over the day.  I have decided to ruin an orgasm every hour and record the results here.

This is the result at 10:30am

I realise I should have included something for scale!  I will do that at 11:30.

The amount at 11:30am wasn't much different; perhaps a little less.

12:30 is really starting to scrape the barrel!  I don't think there's a lot left.

I missed two hours (I had to go out for a bit) so this, pathetic result is from 3:30pm.

And that was it.  At 4:30, nothing came out.  I must be empty.

Day 194

Today I received a fantastic email from A, describing her adventures in London yesterday.  She had a brilliant time.  I really wished I'd been with her.  Still, my vicarious enjoyment is almost as good.

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do in six days time.  I'm not sure I want to end this.

I have just checked back and I haven't had a full and proper orgasm since February 8.  I'm starting to think that the longer you leave it, the less important it becomes and the stronger the desire to preserve it.

Day 189

I've been having a few sex dreams over the last few nights.  They mostly concern me being humiliated.  This afternoon, for instance, I had a two hour nap (I had a very late night followed by a very early morning) and quite a vivid dream.

I had a very small penis which was always hard.  My wife (I have no idea who she was but, in my dream, she was my wife - I'll call her Mary) was a dom and treated me badly, which just turned me on.

I've recently been thinking about being spat on or having a woman dribble spit into my mouth (I watched a porn video which had this in it and it's stuck in my mind) and, of course, Mary did a lot of this.

In the dream she was being fucked by a guy with a normal sized penis and they would keep saying how pathetic my little erection was.  Occasionally Mary would kick my balls.

As the guy was about to come, Mary forced me to suck his cock as she squeezed my balls.  I found the pain excruciating but, in the dream, it turned me on.  I was very aware of my tiny cock.

I woke up when the guy came and I had a good, solid erection.

Two things I'm not sure about.  Why am I enjoying these humiliation fantasies so much and why am I so horny?  Okay, it's been 189 days since I had a complete orgasm but my horny days usually only last a day or two every 11 days.  I've felt randy for the last four days.

I found this photo earlier and think it's a perfect match for my cock in the dream.

I really wish A would take me shopping for women's lingerie so I can feel really humiliated.  I might hate it but really want to know.

Day 187 [3]

Last night I masturbated a guy in a toilet in a pub in London.  He was very grateful.  He didn't take very long to come.  I stood behind him, took his cock in my hand and wanked him off.  I felt very dirty.  I didn't wash my hands and could still smell him on the way home.

I was sitting with friends outside in a beer garden.  The guy was sitting on his own, sort of next to me.  I just started chatting to him.  He was obviously gay.  He'd been stood up, saying he was supposed to meet some guy at the pub but he hadn't turned up.  He was a bit sad but quite horny.

I just mentioned that if he fancied some relief, I'd meet him in the toilet.  I then stood up and went inside.  He wasn't long behind me.  We went into an empty cubicle and that was it, really.

I left the toilet before he did and I never saw him again.

It's a bit sad that I've only managed three cocks in eight months!

Day 183

As I approach the magic 200 mark, I feel a sense of disappointment rather than anticipation.  It's almost as if chastity has become an old friend.  This run has been so much easier than last time because of the milking.  And I think that's why I'll miss it when it's over.

Speaking of milking...I missed my last fortnightly ruined orgasm because I went to Ireland for a week with my cousin.  This has meant another fortnightly wait.  I am due another ruin this coming Monday.

I had a rather pleasantly humiliating episode yesterday.  I decided to wear the 4" badge into Guildford.  On the way back, a couple of teenage girls saw it and one of them asked if it referred to what she thought it referred to.  When I said it probably did, she laughed a lot.  When she asked why I'd wear the badge, telling everyone, I said I'd been ordered to.  This made her laugh even more.  When I told A she increased my excitement by saying the girls would be dining out on the experience.

Day 166

A new Personal Best!  I have broken my previous chastity period of 165 days.  What a great day.  If only I could celebrate.  I'm not due a ruined orgasm for another week - which I may have to miss because I'll be holidaying with my cousin and she wouldn't understand.  I guess I'll just watch some porn and moan.

Meanwhile A is in France.  I hope she manages to see some cock.  She rather enjoyed the lycra bulges of the Tour de France.  I'm sure she'd also enjoy the real thing.

Day 153

For some reason, I was feeling very horny today.  I managed to wear the cage for half the day, which helped with reducing my erections but did nothing for the feelings inside which dominated me all day.

Yesterday A agreed that my bulge was very small and, had she seen it, she would have laughed.  This is a real turn on.  I have no idea why.  I am seeing her on Thursday night and, maybe, we can go shopping for some women's underwear so she can humiliate me.  I am looking forward to this with both excitement and trepidation.

I often daydream about A telling me to remove my trousers before getting into her car on the way home from wherever we've been.  I usually have my cage on and she always gives it a few playful tugs and whacks.  For this reason, I nearly always wear women's pants when we go out.  Sadly, it's always been a daydream.

I spent a lot of the day working on my second memoir, which may explain the horniness.

Day 147

I had a wonderfully humiliating episode today when a stranger saw me wearing women's pants.  It was super embarrassing and exciting at the same time.

I also bought a pair of white cycling shorts today, but having put them on, I don't think I'd be brave enough to wear them in public.  Though they are so tight, I look very small in them.

Day 146

I have returned to wearing the cage.  It wasn't until I slipped it on that I realised how much I'd missed it.  It feels secure.  While the frustration is the same, there's the added security in knowing I can't get completely hard or squeeze myself.

I did feel a little conspicuous in a coffee shop today.  I realised, as I sat in my shorts, that the cage was pretty obvious.  Not as a cage, you understand.  It looked rather like I had a 3.5" erection!  I'm pretty sure the women sitting at the table next to me saw it.

Which makes me realise that when I'm wearing the cage I actually do have a pathetically small penis!  No wonder A suggested I wear it when she humiliates me in front of others.

Speaking of which, I read a great SPH challenge yesterday.  The idea is for a man with a small penis to, somehow, let a woman know about his size restriction.  This, in itself isn't much of a dare but the delicious twist is that the woman has to be someone he works with and dislikes.  The idea being she is the last person in the world he'd want to know for fear of her telling others and, basically, making his life hell.

The challenge I read was accomplished by a guy who set up a few fake email addresses and, by pretending to be a couple of women who also worked in the same company, gradually, let this woman know.  He reported that it was excruciatingly humiliating the next time he saw her at work and since doing it, he suffers every time they're together.

Makes me wish I worked with a woman that I hated!  Then I could get A to let her know.  Much easier than fake emails.

Yesterday I had a ruined orgasm and emptied my balls with no satisfaction.

Day 141

I had a very pleasant conversation with two slightly drunk women on the train last night.  After some light chat about their evening, we started discussing my small penis.  They thought it was ridiculously small when I told them it was 4" hard and 2" soft.  When they left the train, they waggled their little fingers at me.  It was deliciously humiliating.

When I told A, she reckoned they would have been more amused if they'd known I only wished for a smaller penis.

This doesn't look very big now, does it...

Day 138

I see that A has posted a few comments.  It always gives me a special tingle when she does.  I shall try and respond in this post.

In reverse order:

And how did the milking go? - It went very well.  This was a successful milking and it went something like this.  I took my time, pumping slowly until I reached a point where I knew I had to stop.  When I stop, I just let go and my cock bobs around uselessly.  If I manage to stop at the right time, a small dribble of cum seeps out.  I then leave it for a minute so the feeling can subside.  I then start again.  The second (and subsequent) time never takes as long as the first.  I'll try and do this four times and manage to milk a considerable amount of cum without any degree of pleasure.

And this reminds me, how is the publishing coming along? And the second memoir? - I am presently designing a cover for the Cuckold memoir and will publish it as soon as this is complete.  The second memoir is coming along very well.  I'm presently up to around 20,000 words.

I'm going to diarise 26 August. - Excellent!  Though today I was thinking I may have to go longer given that date and what I'll be doing then.  I also toyed with the idea of going 365 days...maybe next time.

You really ought to post a picture of said tight Lycra swimmers. - As you command, so shall I deliver:

I have a bigger tummy bulge!  Then I had a play with a banana:

A also told me she had an orgasm yesterday and made me all excited.