Day 22

I was disturbed by dreams of K last night.  This kept me up and awake for quite a while.  It was mostly memories of watching her and her boyfriend in our bed.  It never fails.  Probably a very good job I was wearing the cage.

Subsequently I was very tired at work and had to use all my will to stay awake so there’s not a lot to report.  I did wear the 4” badge on the Tube but didn’t get any reactions that I could see.

I do feel very frustrated though.  Whenever my thoughts turn to sex it’s like I’m being taunted.  I can almost see my cock poking a tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry.

The above was written on the train coming home from work today.  There was a woman sitting next to me.  I didn't try and hide the screen or reduce the text size.  I'm pretty sure she could read it and did.  There was no reaction, however.

Day 21

Three weeks now...but who's counting?  Well, I am, actually!

Anyway, today was a very busy one with nary time to scratch, let alone squeeze, myself.  The cage did it's work nicely.

Day 20

The frustration is really beginning to kick in.  I feel an overpowering urge to find a cock to suck.  Any cock.  To that end I have started searching various forums online, looking for someone close and discrete.

To be fair, I’d be just as happy going down on a woman but a cock is generally easier to find and not nearly as fussy.

Of course, thinking about this brings back memories of the many cocks I’ve had the pleasure of sucking in the past.  I don’t remember my first because it was at a party and I was under the influence of many things.  Besides, there was quite a few that night in what was, basically, a gay orgy.

The one I remember with great fondness was a guy I met in a play.  For the purposes of this blog, I shall call him M.  He was clearly gay, playing the second male lead and we hit it off from the beginning.  I was clearly straight so there was never anything sexual between us during the run of the production.

After the run ended we kept in touch.  He lived quite a distance from me so it was mostly on the phone (this is WAY before email and the Internet wasn’t even a twinkle).  I lived alone in Sydney so whenever he felt like spending a weekend in the big city, he’d stay over.  The first time he slept on the lounge.

The second time he visited we went to an exhibition of naked male photographs (it may have been Mapplethorpe but I really cannot remember).  After looking at a lot of naked men, we went for a meal then back to the flat.

We sat and chatted over a couple of bottles of wine, watched some tv and generally chilled late into the night.  I can distinctly remember us sitting on the floor, our heads resting on the lounge, our legs stretched out in front of us.

I blame (if any blame is due) the photographs but I reached down and started playing with his cock through his jeans.  He was already quite hard but grew a lot before I could undo his trousers and release him.

It was a lovely cock.  Young, strong, hard, thick and about 8”.  M didn’t say a word as I lowered my mouth onto it and proceeded to blow him.  He didn’t take very long and I swallowed it all.  When I sat back against the lounge he kissed me on the cheek and said thank you.

He didn’t sleep on the lounge that night or any other night he came to stay – which was quite often – and we enjoyed each other many times.  I can’t remember why we fell out of the habit of seeing each other but, sadly, we did and I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing.  If I did I’d like him to know his cock was very special and the one I really consider my first.

On the train home from London this afternoon, I undid my jeans so my white panties could just be peeked but I’m fairly certain no-one saw them. 

Day 19

Not a lot to report today.  I spent the day in the cage but worked almost all day in the garden so not a lot of time for naughty thoughts.

After work, however, I did watch a fair bit of porn.  I quite liked this image so I took it off a video.

Would quite like to try that.

And here's a picture of the other pair of panties I bought yesterday.  I like these best.

Which makes me wonder why I like wearing women's pants.  I've read where guys like wearing them because they feel good (which they do) and other guys who like to look fem but, I think, the main reason I wear them is because I'm not supposed to.  It's the taboo thing.  It might also be the fact that someone might just see them.  Naturally that would be quite humiliating.

Day 18

I've had a rather exciting day. and, fortunately, have the cage securely in place.

I went to Woking to buy some shoes and shirts (and panties) and, as mentioned yesterday, I wore the 90 days badge conspicuously on my jacket pocket.  I felt a bit obvious but soon forgot about it as I wandered down to TK Maxx.

I decided to try my luck in the changing rooms.  I know from past experience that if you 'forget' to lock the changing room doors, the sometimes swing open and if you choose the right one, the girl on the desk gets a great view.  No luck today, though.  The door behaved itself, sadly.  I then picked up a couple of shirts and headed for the shoes.

At the end of then shoe aisles, the shop has small seats where you can try on shoes and opposite each one there is a tilted mirror which you can use to see what the shoes look like if you stand up.  The thing about these mirrors is that if someone is sitting down trying shoes on and someone approached from the aisle, you get a very clear view between their legs.

The only view on show today was a woman in trousers but it did make me think that maybe A could try this to flash a lucky shoe salesman.  A skirt, no pants and trying various pairs of shoes on could make his day.  This stems from a conversation we had about female exhibitionists and think she should try it.  I'd gladly be there for immoral support.

I found a pair of shoes and then went to the lingerie area to pick a couple of pairs of panties, taking my time over the selection, daring myself.  A few women noticed me and one, standing next to me, said she liked a particular pair I was admiring.  I tried to hide the fact that I was deeply embarrassed and agreed before taking a pair and heading for the checkout.

Outside the shopping centre I headed for Starbucks for a coffee since I had half an hour before my train home.  I settled myself at a table and took my book out.  I hadn't been there five minutes before a woman came over, excused herself and asked me what my badge meant.  The conversation went something like this:

HER:  I'm sorry.  I don't mean to be rude but I just noticed your badge and wondered what it meant.
ME:  Not at all.  I'm trying to remain chaste for 90 days.
HER:  Really?  Why?
ME:  To see if I can.  I've managed 70 days and want to try for the full three months.
HER:  Wow.  It must be difficult.
ME:  Sometimes it's very difficult, yes.  I have a...umm...device.  That helps.
HER:  [laughing] Really?  A chastity thing?  With a lock and a key?
ME:  Yes.  My keyholder thought the badge was a good idea.
HER:  Oh.  Ok.  Cool.  Thanks.  And good luck!
ME:  Thank you.

And she left, smiling.  During this exchange I felt humiliated and very excited.  A big part of me wanted her to ask to see it but I knew this wasn't going to happen.  It didn't stop me thinking about it though.

I've included a photo of me in one pair of the panties I bought just to complete my humiliation.

 In this one, I'm tucked...

...and this one, untucked.  I quite like this one because I look quite small.

Day 17

I have found a very effective way to keep myself excited and also prevent touching.  I sit with my penis squashed between my legs.  It can very effective but is important that the balls are kept out of the way.  I didn't a few times and managed to squash the wrong thing.  Not comfortable and very quickly deflates the erection!

A solution to this is to twist the balls to the top while pushing the penis down, between the legs.  Sounds uncomfortable but it actually feels quite nice.  Though, again, any unconscious squeeze can end in agony.

I'm off to Woking tomorrow to buy shoes (and maybe some pants) and will try and wear the 90 days badge.

Day 16

Woke up with a very sensitive penis today.  The merest touch produces very pleasant feelings.  It’s as if my penis has taken over, trying to get me to relieve it.  It takes a lot of willpower to stop myself.  It’s such a simple thing to do but a greater feeling of satisfaction is produced by denying myself this simple pleasure.

I remained sensitive for the entire day and spent it trying to think of other things.