Day 189

I've been having a few sex dreams over the last few nights.  They mostly concern me being humiliated.  This afternoon, for instance, I had a two hour nap (I had a very late night followed by a very early morning) and quite a vivid dream.

I had a very small penis which was always hard.  My wife (I have no idea who she was but, in my dream, she was my wife - I'll call her Mary) was a dom and treated me badly, which just turned me on.

I've recently been thinking about being spat on or having a woman dribble spit into my mouth (I watched a porn video which had this in it and it's stuck in my mind) and, of course, Mary did a lot of this.

In the dream she was being fucked by a guy with a normal sized penis and they would keep saying how pathetic my little erection was.  Occasionally Mary would kick my balls.

As the guy was about to come, Mary forced me to suck his cock as she squeezed my balls.  I found the pain excruciating but, in the dream, it turned me on.  I was very aware of my tiny cock.

I woke up when the guy came and I had a good, solid erection.

Two things I'm not sure about.  Why am I enjoying these humiliation fantasies so much and why am I so horny?  Okay, it's been 189 days since I had a complete orgasm but my horny days usually only last a day or two every 11 days.  I've felt randy for the last four days.

I found this photo earlier and think it's a perfect match for my cock in the dream.

I really wish A would take me shopping for women's lingerie so I can feel really humiliated.  I might hate it but really want to know.

Day 187 [3]

Last night I masturbated a guy in a toilet in a pub in London.  He was very grateful.  He didn't take very long to come.  I stood behind him, took his cock in my hand and wanked him off.  I felt very dirty.  I didn't wash my hands and could still smell him on the way home.

I was sitting with friends outside in a beer garden.  The guy was sitting on his own, sort of next to me.  I just started chatting to him.  He was obviously gay.  He'd been stood up, saying he was supposed to meet some guy at the pub but he hadn't turned up.  He was a bit sad but quite horny.

I just mentioned that if he fancied some relief, I'd meet him in the toilet.  I then stood up and went inside.  He wasn't long behind me.  We went into an empty cubicle and that was it, really.

I left the toilet before he did and I never saw him again.

It's a bit sad that I've only managed three cocks in eight months!

Day 183

As I approach the magic 200 mark, I feel a sense of disappointment rather than anticipation.  It's almost as if chastity has become an old friend.  This run has been so much easier than last time because of the milking.  And I think that's why I'll miss it when it's over.

Speaking of milking...I missed my last fortnightly ruined orgasm because I went to Ireland for a week with my cousin.  This has meant another fortnightly wait.  I am due another ruin this coming Monday.

I had a rather pleasantly humiliating episode yesterday.  I decided to wear the 4" badge into Guildford.  On the way back, a couple of teenage girls saw it and one of them asked if it referred to what she thought it referred to.  When I said it probably did, she laughed a lot.  When she asked why I'd wear the badge, telling everyone, I said I'd been ordered to.  This made her laugh even more.  When I told A she increased my excitement by saying the girls would be dining out on the experience.

Day 166

A new Personal Best!  I have broken my previous chastity period of 165 days.  What a great day.  If only I could celebrate.  I'm not due a ruined orgasm for another week - which I may have to miss because I'll be holidaying with my cousin and she wouldn't understand.  I guess I'll just watch some porn and moan.

Meanwhile A is in France.  I hope she manages to see some cock.  She rather enjoyed the lycra bulges of the Tour de France.  I'm sure she'd also enjoy the real thing.

Day 153

For some reason, I was feeling very horny today.  I managed to wear the cage for half the day, which helped with reducing my erections but did nothing for the feelings inside which dominated me all day.

Yesterday A agreed that my bulge was very small and, had she seen it, she would have laughed.  This is a real turn on.  I have no idea why.  I am seeing her on Thursday night and, maybe, we can go shopping for some women's underwear so she can humiliate me.  I am looking forward to this with both excitement and trepidation.

I often daydream about A telling me to remove my trousers before getting into her car on the way home from wherever we've been.  I usually have my cage on and she always gives it a few playful tugs and whacks.  For this reason, I nearly always wear women's pants when we go out.  Sadly, it's always been a daydream.

I spent a lot of the day working on my second memoir, which may explain the horniness.

Day 147

I had a wonderfully humiliating episode today when a stranger saw me wearing women's pants.  It was super embarrassing and exciting at the same time.

I also bought a pair of white cycling shorts today, but having put them on, I don't think I'd be brave enough to wear them in public.  Though they are so tight, I look very small in them.

Day 146

I have returned to wearing the cage.  It wasn't until I slipped it on that I realised how much I'd missed it.  It feels secure.  While the frustration is the same, there's the added security in knowing I can't get completely hard or squeeze myself.

I did feel a little conspicuous in a coffee shop today.  I realised, as I sat in my shorts, that the cage was pretty obvious.  Not as a cage, you understand.  It looked rather like I had a 3.5" erection!  I'm pretty sure the women sitting at the table next to me saw it.

Which makes me realise that when I'm wearing the cage I actually do have a pathetically small penis!  No wonder A suggested I wear it when she humiliates me in front of others.

Speaking of which, I read a great SPH challenge yesterday.  The idea is for a man with a small penis to, somehow, let a woman know about his size restriction.  This, in itself isn't much of a dare but the delicious twist is that the woman has to be someone he works with and dislikes.  The idea being she is the last person in the world he'd want to know for fear of her telling others and, basically, making his life hell.

The challenge I read was accomplished by a guy who set up a few fake email addresses and, by pretending to be a couple of women who also worked in the same company, gradually, let this woman know.  He reported that it was excruciatingly humiliating the next time he saw her at work and since doing it, he suffers every time they're together.

Makes me wish I worked with a woman that I hated!  Then I could get A to let her know.  Much easier than fake emails.

Yesterday I had a ruined orgasm and emptied my balls with no satisfaction.