Day 46

Today I tried to test myself by gardening wearing just a t-shirt and lacy panties.  I feel secure in the back part of the garden (unless someone looks over the fence which rarely happens) because the trees and bushes provide a lot of privacy but, because of the intermittent showers all day, I found myself running back into the house a lot.

It's an odd thing I've noticed that, after a while, the fear of being seen dissipates.  I think my mind just gets used to the idea and concentrates on the job at hand.  The same thing happens when I strip off outside.  At first there's the frantic searching around to make sure there's no-one around but after a few minutes, redressing is just an annoyance because being naked feels so good.  It's like the nakedness beats the fear or the panties beat the fear, in today's case.

I've also been thinking about the marble thing, wondering why I find it exciting.  I'm sure it's partly the gamble; the odds stacked against me but willing to play anyway.  Gambling on unlikely outcomes is a very human thing to do.  It's the pay-off when you succeed.

It's also partly the fact that, if I pick a black marble and A then determines how much longer I am to remain in chastity, it gives her power over my orgasm and pleasure.  She could say a day, a week, a month, anything.  I'm then doing it for her.  She would, metaphorically, own my cock.  This, then gives me the sub role I'm pretty sure I crave.  I have no control whereas, at the moment, my self-imposed 90 days is all my own doing.

Something else I find exciting is the fact that the odds get greater the more times a marble is taken out.  It is not impossible that I may never come again!  Why this makes me excited is truly odd and something I cannot explain...even slightly.

I have to admit that her comment regarding the marbles game also made me quite excited.

Given all that, the whole thing scares me as well, pretty much for the same reasons.

I was reading on the chastity forum today about guys who have full penetrative sex with their other halves without an orgasm.  They manage to control themselves until their partner is satisfied then are told to stop and go to sleep.  That's a level of control I'm not sure I could attain.

Good God!  This could be me!  Well, without the speaking bit.  I quite like it around the 12 & 20 minute marks.

Chubby and hairy

I've been watching too much gay sex...it's making me want some!